Monday, December 7, 2009

Dear Moon and UC,

We, the awesome ladies of the Flat, wanted to wish you a happy 1 year anniversary. You have created this fantastic community where we can go to laugh, be snarky, and feel normal. Over the past few days some of us have learned just how exhausting it can be to be funny on command and we have a new appreciation for the work you do to bring us the funny each and every morning at 8:00AM EST. Through your community we have made friends from all over the world and for that we can not thank you enough. Please accept our most humble gratitude. We look forward to the next year ahead.


*The Ladies of Rob's Flat

PS. A few people contacted us to pass along their own well wishes. Keep reading and enjoy!

*Special thanks from: ZephyerSky, Jena, Robsten4Life, JodieO, Lindelle, PinkPixieChick, Jazzled, Emmeloowhoo, and Dancing_Echoes.
Dear UC & Moon

Congratulations on reaching your one year anniversary! It brings me back to the glory days of last December when we were all basking in the blue afterglow of Twilight, no one had ever heard of Chris Weitz and the grey t-shirt I was using as a pillowcase still smelled like Rob. While I'm totally stoked that you are helping to keep my name in the blogosphere please stop telling people I like to hang out at TGIFriday's since I can't enjoy my Ultimate Margarita and potato skins at Appy Hour without someone coming over to ask me about "spider monkey". It's a real buzz kill. But at least I get to spend every night in THE bed where all the magic started. Eat your hearts out.

Cathy H.
Dear Moon & UC,
Wow, has it really been a year already?! I can't hardly remember because I consumed too many little bottles in my day, but wow how time flies! I would love to be there to help you celebrate but some good lookin' red head with sharp teeth stole my "Kiss Me I'm Irish" green tee and some dude with awesome abs stole my leather jacket and oh...I'm sort of dead. Or in purgatory, not sure if it's Heaven, but I do know it's not hell. I don't know where I'm at, I can't even make a kitty meow. But one thing, I left you my fishing boat in my will. That's normal.

Buttcrack Santa
Dear Moon & UC,

Wow...a year has gone by and I've aged yet another lint infested year. I may not be in style, but thanks to you both I'm more respected than ever and cared for because Edward chose me. I may be itchy and hot, I may be a friend of grandfather's around the world, but I do cover the limbs of the most important person in Bella's world and I am the only one who holds the sweet suckles of Werther's Originals. May you always know I admire you when you wear your blazers, sweaters, hoodies, cardis and suit jackets. Just a warning, I tend to cause break ups in the woods when I'm worn.
That's normal,
Edward's Tweed Jacket
Dear UC and Moon,

I almost didn’t write you this congratulations letter, because Taylor just told me the McRib is back at MickeyD’s for a limited time only. I’m sorry, you know I love you both, but I love 24 hour drive through windows more. Try to be understanding. But really, I want to thank you for pointing out to your loyal audience how much I support my son. And dang it, I will be here for him when Swiftner goes the way of Taylena, leaving Taylor crying into his jorts and inspiring T-Swizzle’s next hit songs: “Turns Out Werewolves Suck,” “I Moved to Georgia and Now I frickin Hate it,” and “Chris Hansen, Here’s a Million to Pretend These Past Months Didn’t Happen.” See you at the buffet, you lovely ladies – my respect for you is higher than my cholesterol. But you know … that’s normal.

Big Daddy “Filet-o-fish” Lautner
Dear Moon,

We all love a great dumpster story, it's LTT tradition, right? Remember the Epic Night? well it was amazing for me when I was able to take the spotlight away from Bobby when I swallowed that photographer lady. Of course Ascot Phil came to the rescue, and all she had was a dumpster run in with him, not Bobby and not Rob. Thanks for coming to visit so often, hopefully I can offer you something more than the curtain.

the Dumpster behind Hotel Cafe
Dear UC and Moon, fearless leaders,

I love you two. Whenever I get depressed reading Roger Ebert’s movie reviews, I always stop by your site to cheer myself up or I phone Summit and have them tell me the box office numbers again, in a sexy accent . Every time I see the word DILF it warms the cockles of my heart*. I even love you when you trash my mustard pants*. I only wore them so you’d have something to laugh at, after all! I don’t want to get a big head*. But seriously, I often read through your DILF posts and thumbs up the comments so hard if it were real life I’d have hitchhiked to Dick and Clare’s. Is that normal?

Chris(t) Weitz

P.S. I’m just sippin’ on gin and juice.

P.P.S. “Quid-clout-lay” literally translates to “Thank you Moon and UC, for running the best show in town for one year. Even when I’m about to kiss Kristen it’s you two I’m thinking of.” It’s a beautiful language.

P.P.S. Sorry for the boxblocking on the reunion kiss. It won’t happen again, I swear on my glowing mustard pants.

*That’s what she said. Duh.
Dear Moon & UC,
Congratulations on one year of getting cougars into trouble because of me! I've now had to place Chris Hansen on my payroll. But I wouldn't trade it for the world, thanks to meat patties and shirtless takes, I am the most loved 8 pack on the planet! Thankfully I've been placed on a really nice guy who seems to be a really great spokesperson for whatever he's doing. He's definitely mature. I just can't believe I sit on a 17 year old! That never happens....ever! Just wait until next year cause I so know you'll still be going strong and by then my packs could be bigger! Taylor Swift may even write a song about them that make me even more popular than I already am!

Flexing myself in thanks, because that's normal,
Taylor's Abs
Dear UC,

I haven't been seen for awhile because I'm still here under your bed, along with the sexpender pants. That's the strange smell you've been looking for but haven't able to find in your apartment. Rob left us here on his last visit after he tried to sew up another hole, but became distracted when you attempted to rip us off him. You have so many great pictures of us! You've seen the pictures of me from my early days in London when I looked almost new, to those where I had been loving stitched together by HHH's very own hands. I want to send you my congratulations on a full year of aiding the Robsession world wide. Now please get us back to Rob. It's not that we don't like being here, I'm just losing that extra special smell he leaves and the rips you made still need to be stitched up.
That's Normal,
Rob's Beloved Stoli Shirt and the Sexpender Pants
Dear Moon and UC,

Egads, I cannot believe it has been an entire year already! It seems like only yesterday when we were at the Westminster Dog Show drawing inspiration and making snarky comments about the curls on the schnauzer. Seriously, whose idea *was* that; they should have been shot. Well anyway, I just wanted to say congratulations to you special ladies. I have to go take the sponge curlers out now or these luscious locks will be looking like something from 'Down Under', if you catch my drift...and it takes me a few minutes to get to my walker. Ta, ta for now girls!

Much love,

Jackson's New Moon Wig
Dear Moon,

I have to say we've had such a love affair, I just wish you would come on the other side. I've hidden so many things and you've stood so close. You even once ran your fingers along me yet you've never stepped inside the place where the magic happens. If UC had been with you, I'm sure she would have found a reason to see what's on the other side. From keeping Ascot Phil away from the ladies to hiding Marcus, you know as well as anyone, when I hid Rob & Kristen that was the best night. Come back and see me. Bring Rob. I'll hide you from those prying eyes and you can take care of business.

the black curtain at Hotel Cafe

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Dear UC and Moon,

Congratulations on one year! I’m so glad I was your first … letter. Yes Folks, it's true. LTT gave me their flower, and it was hotter than my questionable Chippendale dancer photoshoots. But what I really want to thank you for is your continuous discussion of my Purpose Driven Life Bible study – attendance has increased exponentially as a result! Instead of tracts, I now just hand out pictures of me as a shirtless cop. With the youth group time and location, of course. When rumor got out that I would be doing a dramatic reading/re-enactment from Song of Solomon, 20 women and the Girls Gone Wild crew showed up, and never left. And let’s not forget that every fanfic author in a 2-state radius comes for inspiration from the popular “Transgression Confession” hour, when everyone repents of the various fantasies they’ve had about me that week. Sorry if I caused you to stumble. But hey! When you look like me … that’s normal!

Here’s to another year of being accountability partners!
Dear Moon & UC,

I know it's embarrassingly overdue, but I wanted to write and let you know how much your letters mean to me. I have been with you ever since the first few short posts about my hair, through the dadcase months, and during my overexposure in NYC. Your letters have been a beacon in these cold, lonely days trapped in my dark hotel room. When I saw the two of you in the Riff Raff room, holding hands, it was like my favorite fanfic come true! I have been kicking myself ever since for letting my shyness getting the better of me. I have enclosed my collection of UnintendedRobisDown fanfic. Pick your favorite and we can act it out next time we are all together. I'll be waiting behind the dumpster.

Here's to another year!
Love Rob
Dear Moon and UC,

We're so glad that we could help inspire you to start such a magnificent blog, scratch that, TWO magnificent blogs. We never imagined that when we allowed Peggy Sirota to videotape her entire photoshoot in hopes of getting some footage confirming Robsten that it would lead to the phenomenon known as LTT/LTR.

We thoroughly enjoy giving you pictures of fake lesbian kisses, nipple twisting of underage boys, Cape Cod lobster bakes and piano playing in an open field. We were worried that you would start to get tired of all of the same pictures we’ve been re-releasing and calling them new outtakes , but you seem to have an insatiable thirst for all things Rob and Twilight related. So don’t worry, we’ll be giving you outtakes until Stephenie Meyer decides to re-write the fade to black, essentially you’ll be seeing Vanity Fair pictures forever.

We promise to continue to provide the panty dropping pictures of Rob if you promise to continue to "break it down" for us.

Congratulations on your one year!

Vanity Fair